A part of my past

Hello,
This is something I have have been debating whether to post or not since it is a sensitive topic but I recently saw part of a show on Oprah (I actually had to watch it online because I missed it) that really got me thinking about that I should post this. I could not watch the entire episode because of the painful memories it brought back because I have not fully dealt with this and it is something I have hid from almost everyone for a very long time. But it needs to come out in hopes of helping others.
I was in grade 6 and I was molested by my science teacher. This teacher was a female which may or may not be odd. I personally would not use the word molest maybe but she did touch me inapropriately but I fought back so it didn't go very far for very long I don't think. I have blocked out alot of what happened but I remember enough to cause me lasting pain and scars emotionally. She was a new teacher to the school because the previous teacher had left. She started out with compliments and befriended me. Then it led to her brushing up against me and then she would be in the change rooms after swimming class to watch the girls (including me) change and would compliment our bodies. I do not know if other girls noticed really but because of what was going on with me-I think I was more aware of it. Then she started to touch me and I fought back. I knew it was wrong and I tried to fight it. I would go home ashamed and because of the hold this teacher had over me, I was unable to tell my mom so I would go home and cry. My mom knew something was wrong and forced it out of me though I do not remember that time telling her and what I told her. Apparently I never said anything about the touching to my mom and my mom only knew part of it. But we went to the school and the principle did not believe me. Apparently I was lying and just making stuff up. My home room teacher was not any better. It took sooo much courage for me to come forward and the principle didn't believe me and my home room teacher didn't just not believe me but told me I had to apologize to this teacher for making such awful accusations against such a wonderful teacher who would never do something like that. He even kept me in at recess one morning and read the bible to me and told me it was wrong to lie and I should get to know this teacher better and learn that she wasn't a bad person. To get him off my back so to speak, I started having lunch with her but as far as I know she no longer touched me but was mad at me for telling. She started emotional abuse and it was as bad as the touching I think. She blamed me and told me I was horrible and I would never amount to anything and that I ruined her life etc. I had to endure this a long time. I also had to deal with being in class with a homeroom teacher who thought I was lying. My parents were the only ones who believed me. I knew there were other girls that were not as lucky as me and were being taken into this private room having lots of stuff done to them. I have had so much guilt over not being able to do more that she would have been charged and had her license taken away. Then those other girls may not have had to go through as much as they did. She was just transfered to another school where I am positive she most likely tried it again. I felt and still feel guilt over this. I also felt ashamed over what was done to me and felt it was my fault and that I somehow asked for this. I have felt I am damaged somehow because of this and that no one would want to marry me if they knew. I have kept it a secret from people because I didn't want to lose friends if they found out. I have largely dealt with the whole thing and I feel I have forgiven her in a way but it is still hard to say that I forgive her. I know that to forgive a person does not mean you are saying what they did was right but that it is for you that you don't hold on to this thing that happened but in my mind to forgive her still feels like in some way I am saying that it is ok. What she did will never be ok and it is horrible what she did and I am sharing this because it still has a hold over me and I need to break that hold and not be afraid and also that maybe someone else will read this and know that it wasn't their fault either. That it is ok to forgive the person and that forgiving does not mean that waht the person did is ok but it is to help that person heal who is doing the forgiving. I am still dealing with this and may never fully deal with it and maybe that is ok to have anger against people who do such a terrible awful thing to children. But I can't let it be something that holds me back from enjoying life completely because then she wins and I can't let her do that. I am fine with men now and actually would love to get involved in a relationship but I still have difficulty trusting some women. I have to admit that trust can still be an issue with anyone-male or female but it is getting better. Thank you for listening to something that is not so easy to talk about or even listen to or hear.