Validation

Yesterday I realized something big. I look for validation in all the wrong places. I also realized I don't know exactly where the right places to look for validation are but I have an idea I think. I realized I look to other people for approval and validation essentially. I seek people's approval but sometimes the people I go to for approval don't always approve of me which reinforces my feelings of not being good enough. Do I choose these people to reinforce what I think of myself or is it by chance? But I thrive on people's compliments and I seek out approval also. I think that if people think I am good and I am important then I must be. But I think I should be looking at myself and giving myself validation right? I should be able to say to myself that I am doing good and it should be enough right? But it isn't. The interesting thing though also is that when people say I am good-I have a hard time believing it. I don't trust them but I still seek it out. I still feel this need to hear it. I would like to say it stems from the teacher who did stuff to me and her constantly telling me I was worthless and would never amount to anything etc but that is giving her too much power I think. If you have the feeling from this post and others that I am confused-you are right. lol I am confused...alot! lol But I am trying to figure stuff out. Why I do what I do. Why I need people to tell me I am good when I don't even believe it anyways. I guess part of me thinks that if enough people tell me I am good enough then I will believe it finally. But you know what? I am realizing I will never believe it no matter how many people compliment me. I can't find validation through other people. I need to find it with in myself somehow I think. This will be interesting because I have no idea how to accomplish this but I am going to try. Thanks for reading!